My Near Death Experience (NDE) and the Road to Close Fellowship with the Lord Jesus Christ
My Blog, Everlasting Joy was established in 2013 to document my personal life story of my love walk by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and to help others find the Everlasting Joy that awaits them in a loving relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ following forgiveness of sins through repentance, and subsequently, the baptism of the Holy Spirit.
For insight into the Power of the Holy Spirit and why it is #imperative to receive the Baptism of Fire, consider delving into these articles from the Everlasting Joy Blog that explain how you can personally receive the Baptism of the Holy Spirit Fire in prayer:
The following testimony was taken from my Everlasting Joy blog and modified for clarity and relevancy to the present time:
I’m not here to get famous or to get the most followers. I’m here to help those who decide to follow the Lord Jesus Christ. I’m being used by God to help people come to the realization that it isn’t about rules; it is about love and relationship. Since before the beginning of time, God created us out of love for us and He desires for us to love Him.
The Law of Moses was designed to bring the Israelites into fellowship with the LORD YHWH JEHOVAH TETRAGRAMMATON God and King of the Universe in the Lord Jesus Christ, but instead they used the divine code to make an outward show of pride and competition among the congregation regarding who could follow all the rules. When the divine code was put into place so the Israelites would remember their God and the grave consequences of sin that keeps them from close fellowship with Him. It isn’t about how we appear to the outside world; it is about how our hearts present themselves before the Lord Jesus Christ in love for Him and for the Creator, the LORD YHWH JEHOVAH TETRAGRAMMATON God.
If you read the Book of Galatians, you will see that Abraham’s Seed became the Lord Jesus Christ in the flesh; the Lamb of God sacrificed His Life to take away the barrier (sin) that prevents us from having a close relationship with God. Abraham received a Promise from God due to his faithfulness that God credited to him as righteousness.
YHWH||ANYAMARY||JESUSISRAEL share scripture, Galatians 2:16:
16 Yet we know that a man is justified or reckoned righteous and in right standing with God not by works of the Law, but [only] through faith and [absolute] reliance on and adherence to and trust in Jesus Christ (the Messiah, the Anointed One). [Therefore] even we [ourselves] have believed on Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the Law [for we cannot be justified by any observance of the ritual of the Law given by Moses], because by keeping legal rituals and by works no human being can ever be justified (declared righteous and put in right standing with God). [Ps. 143:2.]
Abraham’s Seed was destined to make the whole earth come to know God and bring Him Glory, which is exactly what the Lord Jesus Christ accomplished through The Cross.
Our parents love us regardless of our behavior, good or bad. But growing up, we knew bad behavior got us into trouble and distanced our relationship with our parents for a short time but they never stopped loving us. Then we would correct our behaviors and come back into close fellowship with our parents. But we came back into fellowship with our parents out of LOVE, NOT obligation – Big Difference! God doesn’t want robots with hearts of stone. He wants human beings with moldable hearts of flesh.
YHWH||ANYAMARY||JESUSISRAEL share scripture, Ezekiel 11:17-21:
17 Therefore say, Thus says the Lord God: I will gather you from the peoples and assemble you out of the countries where you have been scattered, and I will give back to you the land of Israel.
18 And when they return there, they shall take away from it all traces of its detestable things and all its abominations (sex impurities and heathen religious practices).
19 And I will give them one heart [a new heart] and I will put a new spirit within them; and I will take the stony [unnaturally hardened] heart out of their flesh, and will give them a heart of flesh [sensitive and responsive to the touch of their God], [Ezek. 18:31; 36:26; II Cor. 3:3.]
20 That they may walk in My statutes and keep My ordinances, and do them. And they shall be My people, and I will be their God.
21 But as for those whose heart yearns for and goes after their detestable things and their loathsome abominations [associated with idolatry], I will repay their deeds upon their own heads, says the Lord God.
Listen, I have been a Christian my entire life since about the age of 13 upon understanding some of The Gospel. I didn’t come into unshakable companionship with the Lord Jesus Christ until I went through the darkest time of my life in 2013. During that time, I was completely rejected by people; some of it was my fault and not all theirs. But the point is during this time, I felt like dying because my health, career, finances, and marriage were in shambles while I had the devil and his demons working through the many enemies I had at the time who were pulling the strings in them with the objective of bringing complete and utter devastation to my life.
I already attempted suicide 17 years ago and I remember the dimension of hell that opened up before my eyes and I cannot ever get the images of the lost souls snapping at me out of my mind. They had no eyes, just sockets and a worm was crawling through a socket of one of the lost soul’s skeletal shell.
YHWH||ANYAMARY||JESUSISRAEL share scripture, Isaiah 66:15-24:
15 For behold, the Lord will come in fire, and His chariots will be like the stormy wind, to render His anger with fierceness, and His rebuke with flames of fire.
16 For by fire and by His sword will the Lord execute judgment upon all flesh, and the slain of the Lord will be many.
17 Those who [attempt to] sanctify themselves and cleanse themselves to enter [and sacrifice to idols] in the gardens, following after one in the midst, eating hog’s flesh and the abomination [creeping things] and the [mouse–their works and their thoughts] shall come to an end together, says the Lord.
18 For I know their works and their thoughts. And the time is coming when I will gather all nations and tongues, and they will come and see My glory.
19 And I will set up a [miraculous] sign among them, and from them I will send survivors to the nations–to Tarshish, Pul (Put), and Lud, who draw the bow, to Tubal and Javan, to the isles and coastlands afar off that have not heard of My fame nor seen My glory. And they will declare and proclaim My glory among the nations.
20 And they shall bring all your brethren from all the nations as an offering to the Lord–upon horses and in chariots and in litters and upon mules and upon camels–to My holy mountain Jerusalem, says the Lord, just as the children of Israel bring their cereal offering in a clean vessel to the house of the Lord.
21 And I will also take some of them for priests and for Levites, says the Lord.
22 For as the new heavens and the new earth which I make shall remain before Me, says the Lord, so shall your offspring and your name remain.
23 And it shall be that from one New Moon to another New Moon and from one Sabbath to another Sabbath, all flesh shall come to worship before Me, says the Lord.
24 And they shall go forth and gaze upon the dead bodies of the [rebellious] men who have stepped over against Me; for their worm shall not die, their fire shall not be quenched, and they shall be an abhorrence to all mankind.
While laying in the hospital bed, my heart was heading for cardiac arrest as the machines were going crazy with nurses yelling in the background. The distress in their voices were so muffled that it sounded like they were farther away from me than they actually were. The scene around me stole my breath away by terror. Then, all of a sudden JESUS appeared behind the lost souls but He was above them so I could clearly see His Face. Jesus had the crown of thorns on His head and a non-transparent drop of what I believed to be blood fell down His cheek from the left side of His face from my viewpoint (i.e., His Right Eye). His Form was not in color nor did He appear fleshly, but He was divinely present with Me in the Holy Spirit. The lost souls were spiritual life forms that appeared #translucent, in which the outline of them was grayish with a semi-transparent interior that appeared to be in motion as an effect of being present in two dimensions simultaneously; life and the afterlife merged together in unison.
I remember feeling a tear fall down my cheek from my right eye and the shear terror of pondering my possible final outcome kept me from speaking. But I distinctively remember expressing repeatedly in my thoughts that I was so sorry and I asked for Jesus to forgive me and to give me another chance. I closed and opened my eyes several times, but the #vivid scene did not disappear from view or change. After several moments passed, the lighting in the hospital room got brighter as it dimmed a little when the dimension of the afterlife was opened. And my vital stats went back to normal. Recollecting the events that led to this near death experience, I remember riding in the ambulance to the nearest hospital, and my vital stats dropped. The nurses in the ambulance jumped and said with urgency,
“Start an IV!”
My chest lifted up when my vital stats dropped and I felt my spirit leaving and it was a sensation of falling. I was fighting so hard to stay awake as the drugs and alcohol were pushing me into sleep but I knew that to sleep would be to die. I asked the nurses if I was dying…they wouldn’t respond as they couldn’t truthfully say I wasn’t dying. And, I supposed revealing that to the patients make things worse for obvious reasons.
Many might ponder to themselves this one question:
What made me take all those pills and mix it with several bottles of alcohol?
To answer that question, while I was only a child at 15 years old, my mother died on April 6, 1996 and after I graduated from the College of Engineering and Applied Science at the University of Colorado at Boulder, I became severely depressed about my mother’s death. I had pushed the pain of losing her out of my mind through finishing high school and then through intense study of Aerospace Engineering Sciences, as I dreamed of becoming an astronaut since the fourth grade. But, I settled for a desk job as a Rocket Scientist for Lockheed Martin Astronautics, given the prospect of dying in war as a fighter pilot while striving to become a Shuttle pilot.
I was working full time and with more free time on my hands after work hours to re-live every detail of her dying all the way through to the last words I told her. Then, the funeral, burial, and thereafter my intense sorrow and grief before I pushed the pain out of my mind while in school to fulfill the promise I made to her before she died. And that promise was,
I will make you proud.
In my times of sorrow and grief, I reflected on my terrible rebellious teenager behavior back then that caused distance between my mother and I, when we used to be very close friends. I would spend many minutes, sometimes an hour, staring at the scar on my right forearm that I clawed in with my nails when I initially found out from hospice that my mother was not expected to live much longer because there was nothing left that the doctors could do to prolong her life. And after she died from lung and liver cancer that spread throughout her entire body, I repeatedly used razor blades on the scar to keep it from fading away during times of great sorrow. As that was my memory of when I first heard my mother was expected to die.
After graduation from college, my #botched marriage was in grave trouble at the time of my suicide attempt and I was being treated unfairly at my job. I began seeing a psychologist who put me on Prozac. Before Prozac, I just played around with suicide – never did enough to really do it. But the Prozac, changed that! I distinctly remember looking at all the pills and unopened bottles of alcohol with my eyes swollen from so many tears and rolling thoughts in my head about how I couldn’t go on. Then thoughts expressing how much I missed my mother and that I missed her too much; as well as thoughts declaring that no one loved me, and that I was worthless. Then, this thought came into my mind,
“I’m ready to DIE”
There was a thought that responded to that thought. Another thought (not an audible voice) came as a whisper in my mind that declared,
“It is time to die”,
Then another thought after that thought loudly proclaimed,
“We’re going to die tonight!”
And I started talking to myself in the living room in which I sat all alone,
“Yes! It is time to die! No more pain! No more pain!!”
I kept repeating those words as I engaged in swallowing all the pills and drinking bottle after bottle of alcohol. After it was all ingested, I just sat there silently with tears streaming down my face. Then it was like the dark spirit that helped coach me into action lifted from me so I could see what I did. Reality hit that I was REALLY going to die this time!! I definitely took more than enough poison.
When my common-law husband came home, I began panicking. All of a sudden, death didn’t sound so sweet anymore. My husband and his friend thought I just needed to walk it off as they didn’t believe it was a lethal dose as they came right after I took all the drugs so I didn’t look too bad…yet. This began my 6 hour fight to save my own life as I didn’t call the ambulance until I felt I couldn’t take another moment fighting to stay awake as the strength of the drugs kept building in my system.
After Jesus redeemed me from suicide, I joined a local church, joined the choir, and got water baptized again shortly after that experience. But despite all of that, I still wasn’t in a relationship with Jesus Christ – As I can say with honesty that any relationship I had with Jesus was shallow. All of my focus was on the church and activities surrounding and pertaining to the church.
Shortly after joining our local church, we began to have financial problems with our mortgage during the housing market meltdown and I began praying and believing God for a miracle. When God didn’t come through and our house foreclosed, I got angry with God and withdrew from His Presence yet again. You can read the details of this story in the article, Walking in the Spirit (Click Here). As there is a righteous reason for why God did not save our home.
So when disaster hit in 2013 and I was thrust into a deeper darkness than the depression following my mother’s death, I decided I wanted to die yet again. As, Satan took away all the temporary happiness I felt when engaging in the sins that he enticed me into doing. Satan was constantly speaking dark words into my head about death as my destiny had dead ended at the gates of hell once again. I began to follow Christian Facebook pages as Satan continued to speak in my ear things that would give him my soul for all eternity. Then, I came across a meme in the midst of my darkness with scripture that I could relate to and an encouraging note. At that moment, my spirit was released from Satan’s prison and I asked the Lord Jesus Christ for forgiveness once more. This time, the experience was different. And right then, when nothing in my circumstances changed, I quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey after being a smoker for 13 years! I am celebrating 8 years as a non-smoker! Praise the Lord Jesus Christ! Hallelujah!!!
During The Great Affliction of 2013, Jesus and I became best friends. During prayer, I could always sense His Presence in a very strong way. God never leaves us but we most often don’t sense Him as being there. This gave me great Joy! And the more I studied His Word, and meditated on it and used it in prayer, His Presence was stronger. It became so strong that it felt like I could almost touch Him! Through reading various chapters of the Bible with Jesus, He showed me how it related to my circumstances and this gave me strength to keep pressing on. The Holy Spirit often times, led me to read certain chapters of the Bible based on what was going on and how I was feeling that day. A true relationship was formed FINALLY between God and I, and now I understand!
YHWH||ANYAMARY||JESUSISRAEL share scripture, Proverbs 17:24:
24 A man of understanding sets skillful and godly Wisdom before his face, but the eyes of a [self-confident] fool are on the ends of the earth.
After the biggest part of the storm was over and happiness returned from worldly things coming back into my life in 2016, I remained stuck on Jesus. He was there when I was all alone and gave me great company and He helped me make it through something that when I looked at it in the natural realm, victory seemed impossible. But nothing is impossible with God!
YHWH||ANYAMARY||JESUSISRAEL share scripture, Luke 1:37:
37 For with God nothing is ever impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment.
I encourage you to seek diligently the relationship with God that Jesus died for you to have! It will be the perfect relationship you wanted from people but that they could never provide on a constant basis.
A song that really causes me to reflect back on the goodness of God in my life (see link below to listen) is a song called, “Dear God” by, Smokie Norful. I encourage you to listen to it. I was listening to it as I initially proof-read part one of this final testimony for God in the Lord Jesus Christ. A lot of tears were shed writing this and I hope it uplifts you and brings you closer to Jesus Christ, our Lord, Savior, and Messiah.
I also encourage you to go to the Everlasting Joy website and begin to look at the articles documenting the biblical Principles of Everlasting Joy (Click Here) to learn how I received Everlasting Joy from the Lord Jesus Christ! Come into relationship with Jesus today. True love casts out all fear! Feel more confident in your salvation versus constantly thinking you are falling short. God Bless You!
YHWH||ANYAMARY||JESUSISRAEL share a definition, #imperative:
Merriam-Webster’s definition of “imperative”
YHWH||ANYAMARY||JESUSISRAEL share a definition, #translucent:
Merriam-Webster’s definition of “translucent”
YHWH||ANYAMARY||JESUSISRAEL share a definition, #vivid:
Merriam-Webster’s definition of “vivid”
YHWH||ANYAMARY||JESUSISRAEL share a definition, #botched:
Merriam-Webster’s definition of “botched”